MAP

I was given this map incase I became lost, you see

I was given it to find my way back home

folded, stitched inside my pocket

For emergencies like this, do you see?

For unfamiliar landings

For flights that end badly

For foreign travel

I’m going to open it now.

I’m pulling it out from my sleeve like a magician

See how the colours become visible as the silk unfolds?

I’m scrutinising the lines and the shapes, the words are small and illegible.

I’m passing the silk through my fingers close to my face to examine it

I’m looking from the map to the land ahead of me and there is no similarity

Do you see?

This is a heap 

This is a pile

This is an island

What is this?

The paths are not there

The hills are not there

The land is not there

I’m turning the map over in my hands,

slowly then quickly then slowly again

I’m passing it between my fingers and I’m tracing the lines and contours with my finger

and my eyes move from the map to the land to the map to the land to the map.

The land in front of me is deep and green and heavy and there are no paths

the roads have collapsed

the brittle hedgerows are overgrown and knotted and are too high

the trees are thick and heavy and they grow tightly together

I’m folding my map carefully and rolling the silk tight

inserting it back into my sleeve

pushing it up there discreetly

like the end of a trick

I’m turning to my left to my right to my left again

I’m looking forward and I’m seeing a world swallowed whole

I’m smelling soil and tasting damp and rotting matter

I’m hearing creaking and breathing and the sound of things expanding and contracting

I’m lifting my hand to look upwards through the branches at the sunlight 

It is vivid and brutal and my eyes are watering

Do you understand?

I’m kneeling and making myself as small as possible and my knees soak up the brown water

creeping along the threads like tracks

Do you see now?

This is a ditch

This is a trough

This is a trench

I’m moving the soil through my fingers and I’m scratching

I’m moving and scraping and forming

hollowing out a space,

you see

Smoothing the heavy soil to a curve

Crawling in

Covering myself

A heap 

A pile

An island

(2023)